One of the inner conflicts a lot of female entrepreneur MOTHERS can relate to is the dreaded
MUM GUILT
“Mommy!”
Your daughter or son is calling you.
“Coming! Give me two more minutes!” You answer.
“Mommy! You always say that! All you do is work, work, work, work, ALL day.”
With those words, your heart drops as if the cable of a lift/elevator has just snapped.
And your head begins to reel with hundreds of questions like What am I doing? Am I doing the right thing? Am I really so invested in my work and passion that I´ve neglected my children? Have I also been neglecting my husband? What are my priorities? Am I really getting my priorities all wrong? Should I take a break? Should I…dare I say it…QUIT?
In most cases, this is no “revelation.” There is no “wake-up call.” There is no need for a tug of war between heart and mind, between passion and logic because the logical thing is to follow your passion and fight mommy guilt. Yes, the above scenario is an example of mommy guilt: Self-doubt and uncertainty as toward whether or not you are fulfilling your duty as a mother.
Women play many roles in society today, career woman, lover and nurturer. It may be as simple as “first comes love, then comes marriage and then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” Once baby arrives, the mother´s instinct is to love and care for her child. Even caring for her husband becomes a challenge. Now, add a career to that and there seems to be an even bigger challenge: motherhood versus career. But, why does it have to be one or the other? It does not. Subtract the word versus and add the word, and: motherhood and career. These two are a team and those who experience mommy guilt need to accept this before they can move toward mommy right. You have the right to follow your passion, pursue your dreams, while still fulfilling your duties as a mother and a wife. Here are three simple steps to fighting mommy guilt:
1.YOU are in control of how you feel. Others can certainly affect how you feel, but your feelings are your own. Accept that you have a right to be happy and if fulfilling your passion makes you happy, then pursue it with all that you have.
2.Practice mindfulness. How? Choose one consistent and convenient time during the day and start with week 1: One-minute of mind-cleansing each weekday where you think of nothing at all for one minute. Do the same week 2, but for three minutes each day. Do the same week 3, but for five minutes each day. Consistently try five-minutes of mind-cleansing each day. Time yourself.
3,Gandhi said, “Relationships are based on four principles: respect, understanding, acceptance and appreciation.” Let´s begin with yourself: respect yourself and understand that you deserve happiness and you deserve to pursue your dreams and passion. Accept and appreciate that you have the right to be happy and to pursue your dreams and passion. This may all sound a bit selfish, but you have to be just a little bit selfish before you can be selfless. Why? Because at the end of the day, if YOU are not happy, your children sense it. They may not understand Gandhi´s concept but they certainly understand a mother´s frown, a mother´s slightest change in the tone of her voice or gesture, a mother´s tears, a mother´s hardy hug vs. a mother´s gentle or quivering hug.
4.Take care of yourself: mind and body. If you do not take care of yourself first, how will you take care of others? You can´t. The above steps describe how to take care of your mind in order to avoid even depression, anxiety among other serious psychological illnesses. As for your body. eat healthy for example, snack on your kids´ favorite fruits together with them. Exercise for example, go out for a walk with the family. Do some jumping jacks! Dance with your kids to their favorite tunes! Fun activities like these not only show interest in your children, but also help you stay focused and in-tune with everything around you.
5.Create a schedule either on-paper or Online. This will give you an opportunity to prioritize and find a balance between both motherhood and career path.
Next time, when you hear someone calling you, “Mommy” or “Sweetheart,” then you will be prepared to take that as an opportunity for a break, just a pause in between fulfilling your passion and pursuing your dreams. Hopefully, mommy guilt will be a thing of the past.
Just become present in that moment, and do not let your inner voice create any emotions of regret or frustration
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